ONLY IF....THE DILEEMA OF MY LIFE!

I could remember it like it was yesterday I was in middle school about to enter into my first year in high school. I wish I could say that a growth sprout caused me to develop. Now that would be an understatement I have been developed since around 6 grade. It caused a lot of unwanted attention. My mother had made the recent decision to move to another district right before school started and so there I was a new girl and a freshman. I had shown up to gym class with no uniform to workout in my coach decided to just make me walk the track as all the jocks worked out on the track as well. This was the the first time I was exposed to the ONLY IF'S. I was walking focusing on not sweating so much since it was only the first class of the day. I walked in on guy talk and it kind of went like this.....

you saw the new girl?

yeah she cute as hell.....

only if she would loose like 15 lbs

hell yeah if she lost about 15 she would be a 10

It was conversations like that which later on turned into for a fat girl you.....I mean don't I decide the value of me? don't you deserve to the value you deserve and don't expect anything but top value. I hear ppl say that so much till it's started to really make me think. out of all the only if's in the world ppl could only think of my weight. do you have in only if's?

13 comments :

  1. Saw your Fashion Bomb & read thru a lot of the comments & know where this is coming from. To me it seems it's insecurity on the others part really. For those jocks, really what they're saying is I'd holla if I wasn't concerned what everyone else thought of me being with her. As for the women & their "health concerns," it's them expressing their faux sense of confidence. They see YOUR true happiness & confidence radiating behind behind & thru your eyes and don't get it. Wonders why you're self satified & they aren't. Haters let you know you're doing your job. And you are, as the other 115 comments expressed ;) Keep it up

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  2. @JY WHY THANK YOU SO MUCH THE FASHION BOMB WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG. WHEN DID WOMEN BECAUSE OF THEIR SIZE SUPPOSE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES. ULTIMATELY WHEN THE JOCK DID APPROACH ME AND WE DATED IT WAS ALWAYS HOW DID "SHE" GET HIM. I WAS DEVALUED BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT AND 10 YRS LATER PPL ARE STILL GIVING ME THE ONLY IF'S. THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENT YOU ROCK!

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  3. "If ifs were fifths, we'd all be drunk"

    Pay them no mind!

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BTW! I wish I had your confidence (and some pieces from your wardrobe :-) lol!!

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  4. I was the exact opposite I was always the petite girl until college weight gain and I had to learn to embrace the extra weight as I kept gaining. But I actually like my curvier body now more than I did when I was the typical skinny girl and men most definitely appreciate curvier women. Now my goal is to make skinny chics look at my style and say what if I had the confidence to embrace my beauty and not give a damn what others have to say about it. What if I could put outfits together like that? I love leaving them baffled as to how even tho I am overweight I can still manage to look flawless :) Those women trying to tear you down are just thinking what if MY man actually likes what he sees #insecurity.........stay beautiful and keep breaking down barriers love

    -Venessia

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  5. TWENTY FEET YOU MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD! VENESSIA AND WORK IT I WAS DEBATING WITH A FRIEND WHO SAIS " MY CAN HAVE FAT FRIENDS CAUSE THEY ARE NOT A THREAT" THIS REALLY HAD ME THINKING DOES SOCIETY THINK SO LESS OF US LIKE THAT? CONFUSED STARE.

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  6. Don't worry about it. I read the Fashion Bomb just for the Fashion Bombs of the Day and I swear you got some internet thuggery going on- people who will pick on the smallest thing, just so they can feel better about themselves. Its sad but many blacks use this as a way to come -up ....as if there can only be one. They are just jealous of your confidence. Society has taught us that if you are not a size 2 you should be ashamed of yourself and dress in a plastic bag at all times- so when they see someone like you, they don't know how to respond.

    As Mr. Rozay once said "The haters beneath me recognize the red bottoms I wear"

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  7. This is my life story. I encountered the same conversation during my junior year of H.S. The problem is society doesn’t see our size as attractive or pretty which is why “if only” exists and unfortunately I don’t see it going away.

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  8. I can relate to this and honestly, it's sad that people throw those "ifs" out there like that. I mean... Really? Our size has to be looked at like that... REALLY? I even had a good guy friend say that most men do focus a lot on weight and a factor may be of my being single that most men don't want a bigger woman. It's just sad to me, but I don't think we should have to alter who we are for anyone. Only for ourselves...

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  9. @Loving Me - and you're welcome. Also, all the other comments above are speaking truths. You're an inspiration to me & more. I rarely go from one blog to check out another but I did for yours because your positive energy came through. No more questions or doubts, you got it. Hell, all us thick/plus size chicks got IT.. We all know what's really real, when we walk outside with our heads held high, walking tall & our curves telling tales. Got women checking more then men. Especially if we got a nice face. I let 'em know off top, Beezy skinny or fat you don't have ish on me, 4reals. Self-love is more attractive than any physical feature. One love to all.

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  10. This is why I love supportive communities like this (Blogger). I think that everyone has a self-conscience "if" moment about themselves. And it's like TWENTFEETTALL mentioned, people get so caught up in what others have to say about how they live their life that they forget to just live. It's like so many have mentioned, you are BEAUTIFUL and don't let anyone tell you different or make you question that. The 2 quotes above are great mantras girl!

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  11. Your weight is the only thing folks feel they can attack about you. Fortunately they're wrong. I feel like this is related to the Fashion Bomb post because thats what brought me here. I loved your pictures, I paid you a compliment. The light in you is undeniable, so naturally, someone with low self esteem is threatened by that, no matter what size you are. We all have "what ifs". Whats important is that we validate ourselves. Again, your size to me, was not a factor because like everyone told you on yesterday: you're gorgeous and can dress your ass off. Don't engage tortured people and allow them to question spirit after all, its them with the problem not you.

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  12. this is my life. I know exactly what you mean, but instead of it being my peers, it was my basketball coach and my mother. if only I lost 10 pounds...or if only I lost my gut...
    hearing things like that does get old, and it makes you question a lot of things. But it takes a strong young woman like yourself to not let it break you.

    thanks for this post. its good to know that I'm not alone in this.

    xoxo

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