29 November 2011



How does the above picture make you feel? Do you find yourself focusing on her large thighs and rolls? If the answer is yes then......let's just say that's an issue. I have never had a problem accepting my body. My issue are usually with intimacy but that's a whole other section (we will get there trust!). So it was 4am and my phone rings and rings and stops and then rings again. My friends are persistent when they wanna talk and see no problem that I just may be sleep. I never complain because trust and believe I will intrude on them as well. Well the topic of the night was from a male friend name Brandon*. I quickly grabbed my pen and paper and with his approval these are the short notes of our convo

Me: what is the problem that you are calling me at 5am?
Him: Man I feel like I'm cheating every time I go out. I just left the club and saw a bad juicy chick. She was dancing and shit man it was sexy as fuck. Why My girl can't be like that?
Me: Boy you crazy every time I see Kim* she is dressed nice you crazy.
Him: Linda what the fuck her clothes have to do with her being sexy please tell me that. When you see her dressed up it more for the club then me trust me. when we get home I have to damn near beg for it and if we do the damn lights go off man that shit drive me crazy. I try to touch her stomach she moves my hand. It's really a turn off like I need someone to own that shit. I love her I do but something has gotta give
Me: Wow
Him: yeah wow she don't want me to see her stretch marks she complain about her body all the damn time. I never thought about her in that manner but the way she keeps talking bout it has me looking. I mean how much more can I tell her she's perfect if she doesn't feel it herself. The shit driving me crazy. I feel like she's pushing me to be with someone else.
Me: hold up nobody can push you to be with someone else but I understand your situation.
Him: We go out to the Mall somewhere she asking me to look at other chicks and do I like her body, her shape, do I wanna sleep with her. Like what the hell. I never cheated but shit it's almost like she want me to.

This Conversation Lasted Almost A hour and a half and he made a lot of valid points. I mean sometimes we as people fat,black,skinny,tall.short etc. can cause our own failure. Brandon and his girl haven been together for about 4 years. She has admitted to me that she knows he love her and never cheated but she feels so nasty. Not only was sex with the lights off  a must she now had area's that were now off the market. If you don't love YOU how can you ever expect someone else to? I mean I'm not saying I'm a hero and never faced issues but my body has never been one of them. Like I said that's a whole other topic and you gals will not get me to talk about it just yet Gosh! lol  But I mean he knows you have rolls He knows that your thighs scrub and you may or may not has blackened inner thighs (lol I'm sorry but this is actually a problem for some ppl). This is not a fat girl issue AT ALL I have a few friends of all sizes that at our girl talk sessions admit that they don't feel sexy. Almost all of them are looking for their spouse to make them feel wanted,desired,sexy etc. but honestly ladies it starts within and I will preach this until the end of time. IT'S TIME TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE AND LOVE IT ALL.  I no longer wanna see albums of just face shots because you don't think your body needs to be seen. LOVE  IT ALL.....<IT'S A MOVEMENT>!!!!!!!



  1. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG such a valid point I really get disappointed when I see beautiful plus size woman on my fb friends that NEVER EVER post full body shots. I am not comfortable with my tummy after 2 pregnancies but I am in the gym now back on my workouts to help me feel more confident naked. Lights on = yessssssssssssss

  2. I had an issue with my body at first til I realized that if it was that horrible why would anyone be interested?? If I receive that many compliments maybe they see something I don't...then I looked at myself and told myself my beauty and confidence will shine from within regardless of size ...height...complexion...etc! I love me!!! Hopefully everyone else will feel the same about themselves!! Signed - TeKia

  3. I so agree an im just like your friend my husband an i shower together every night and the lights have to be off he always ask how in the hell do we suppose to bathe in the dark so i light one candle an it bothers him but i dont want the light on an sometimes when im getting dress he would just stare at me naked or just with my under garments on an i would be so uncomfortable that i say what are you looking at an he reply you what i cant look at my girl then who am i suppose to look at its a problem that i definitely have to work on because i would hate for him to have that convo your friend had with you with one of his homeboys or sister!

  4. This is the reason I started my blog. I had the same issues with loving the me that I saw in the mirror. It isn't easy everyday even now because I still have areas of my body I don't like and don't want anyone to really see. However, I am in a place where I can look at me and love what I see more than before. I am back to working out to get back in shape and healthier so I can be more confident. Notice I didn't say skinny, but back in shape. For me it's not about being skinny but being in shape and healthy. So yes to all ladies big, small, tall, short etc.. and even the men too, LOVE YOU!! There is nothing wrong with improving on who you are to make you better, but don't do it for the right reason and not to gain approval or attention from someone else. Loving yourself has to start with you, you can't look to anyone else to give you the love you don't have for yourself!!

    Carsedra of:



  5. I used to have this same problem but i wasnt as bad as Ms Kim. but when i thought about how the sex was and they would say how beautiful my body was and how i would turn someone on just stepping into a tshirt and no bra, i decided that i was my problem. i decided that i had issues with my eyes and not him. im so comfortable now to walk around the house naked its ridiculous

  6. Very good topic you brought up. In regards to the actual situation you spoke on, it does show insecurity in his girlfriend. She, unfortunately, is doing something unintentionally that could be detrimental, which is losing her four year relationship. You truly have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

    Men and women grow tired of constantly hearing and seeing displays of your insecurity, especially in relationships. Of course, a good partner will be understanding, but they can only help you so much.

    I have had bouts with insecurity just like everyone else, but like one other person said, if they are attracted to me before going in the bedroom, then I must be the one with the issue. I hope his girlfriend will take time for herself and learn to love herself before it's too late!


  7. I still have a issue with my body...I envy and applaud you big girls that will take a full body shot and own it. I only have one body shot on my fb page and its not even a real full one. One day I will gain the confidence....(after I lose at least 40 lbs) but hey for now I wont..great question and great points. This really hit home for me.

  8. I have never had body issues, i guess because growing up my mama always complimented me she never called me fat or nothing like that! Actually now that i think about it she who encouraged me to show my legs, she would say girl you better show off them big pretty legs lol and since then its hard to get me out of a dress. Its funny that you blogged about this because i was just in the bathroom doing may hair and my bay came in and he loves playing with my stomach and love handles but it doesnt bother me at all. To have the opposite sex tell you that he loves you for you and that your sexy is always a plus but you gotta have that same confidence about yourself!

  9. Your friend made very strong valid points as to what may cause him to make such decisions. I, on the other hand, am a confident woman. I love myself and my entire body. Hell, I can do it with the lights on, lights off, sunny outside with the blinds open, and etc. I promise that it doesn't matter to me because I know my man and me love what I have to offer. I know you say that she has talked to you, but I suggest to you to have an in depth conversation with her about the positives of have a little meat on her bones. I feel its always most important to love yourself no matter what people have to say or at least what you assume they have to say. Homegirl gotta get it together and learn to appreciate herself and her body and be thankful that she has a man that does appreciates all of her and then some already. A good man is very hard, in these times, to find.


  10. Coincidentally, my husband just told me I was sexy out of the clear blue... lol. But anyway, I feel bad for your friend's girl. What a terrible way to live your life, especially when you have a man who loves you. But that don't mean a thing if you don't love yourself. It definitely starts with you. I am nearly 400lbs. and I walk around butterball naked in front of him. Shit just swanging, flopping and jiggling everywhere. Whatever. Love isn't about how you look, especially if you're vested for so long. If she doesn't like herself, then she has 2 options - learn to love herself just as she is, or lose the weight and get to the point where she's comfortable. I wish them luck!!

  11. Confession I have body issue... My main issue is discoloration. I have discoloration all over my body. Due to my size chafing, My darkest areas are between my legs and under my breast. (don't need to be to blunt but I am just keeping it real)
    Currently I don't have a man. But if I did the light will be off.

    Currently I am trying to work on myself, but with not having a job it is hard. Instead of me trying to lose weight I am gaining weight and too much as well.

  12. It makes me so sad to know that so many women or uncomfortable with the way that their body looks. Please believe when I'm in the bedroom or outside of it my confidence shines from within. If u don't love yourself with the curves, rolls, etc that you have how can u think that someone else will? If you're unhappy with yourself you have two options; fix it or learn to love it. I hope anyone who reads this and thinks negative about yourself.....try this; tomorrow when you wake up say one thing that you love about yourself. It's a small start but will eventually lead to that self confidence because it starts within. 

  13. We do push men away with our insecurities. We need to learn to love ourselves first. The way I see it, if you're not comfortable with your rolls, start exercising and eating properly! It has improved my self confidence and I feel much sexier now.

  14. This post is dope. People act like rolls and a few stretch marks makes you a leper. i just don't understand.


  15. I am just wowed at some of the comments.One never knows what someone else is going through.But I used to feel like that long time ago when a man would just stare.I think it was just us not knowing what they may really be thinking.Then there are some who may have had something said to us while exposing ourselves that brought them to that stage.I just feel and learned that if I dont think im sexy then who will.I also found that finding the right outfits to compliment ur body helps u cope with the areas you may have issues with.I love being naked or just looking in the mirror with my undergarments on..and cant nobody tell me nothing.Some women issues are beyond their body and until they are dealt with nothing will line up....and Ms Kim betta tighten up cuz some of us would love to have a MAN..let alone one that sees nothing wrong/and loves our body.

  16. GREAT POST!!! It has def. been a work in progress for me, but I am there now. You have to love yourself before you can receive the love you want!!!! {SUPER TRUE}

  17. "It's a Movement!" I'm down with it. I love this post so much, it was much needed and I must share this with the homies who just don't get it!

  18. i love my boyfriend. but i just cant help that he may be a little annoyed with the extra fatty thighs n ass rubbin on him everytime we are intimate. i feel bad but then he shows me he still loves me...
    thanks for this inspiring topic... i will definitley do what he always says to me "babe, if there is something about you that you dont like... change it, work on it..."
    and this is why i love him... power couple in the making :)

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  20. loveeeee this so much I post about it on my own blog. I didn't think men even entertained thoughts of how they're significant other are self conscious about their body. I'm becoming addicted to your blog lol !



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