IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT: CHILD RAPE/MOLESTATION
I remembered her story the way she reacted the first time she smelled him in the wind. I couldn't understand it wondered why she avoided the men's sections in department stores. she avoided them at all cost a extra lap around Macy's didn't matter as long as she couldn't smell him. I wondered for sometime what was wrong with her questioned why she did the things she did. she would shy away when my eyes became to piercing and my thoughts were written over my face. It was over a pint of blue bell banana pudding ice cream and talks about child abuse and child molestation that she stated "get over it Linda it happens to everybody I was raped more then once and I'm not complaining". Our debate on the matter had struck up some cord some pain and definitely some hurt in the process. How could someone touch her? take her innocence with force the touch of a hand inside of her laced underwear was the norm. what could she possibly know about intercourse at 7, 8 or even 12. She said she wanted to vent and I let her siting quietly across suddenly she stops looks around her room reached for a pen and a blank envelope and passes it to me. I'm confused and questions her as to what I need the items for..... her words "If I'm going to shed my fears you might as well share it on your blog maybe it can help someone.
The first time he touched me wasn't what you're thinking no he didn't burst into my room and snatch off all my clothes that's tv shit. He was a smooth mother fucker I tell you I remembered how he would let me drive his car. He would place me between his legs I would grab the wheel and begin to steer. I could feel his erection on my ass as he twirled my hair. A child doesn't know what their feeling I just know that it wasn't right. She he took his time with me what was the rush. He was married to my mother making six figures and the apple of her eyes. She was so busy trying to Keep she barely noticed me when I withdrew or didn't want to eat. I would beg her to take me with her and she would force me to stay. She was to busy in Gucci and Prada and Chanel that I was just there. I had no reason to complain I had a man who stepped up to be my father, gave me the world and the tender age of 11 he took my virginity. I mean after all since I was seven I had been giving him blow jobs. He would say "come get your candy" can you believe that? I can. I was ashamed for a long time afraid of what my mother and the outside world would think of me. I thought it was my fault maybe it was something I did to provoke him or excite. I came up with all kind of reasons to blame myself I hated myself and I hate my mother. Why couldn't she see it? Why did she trust a her little girl with a man she barely knew? and most of all Why me? I went threw a phase where I was angry upset with God for even allowing it to happen. Where was he when I needed him When my screams were mustered by overly large hands and he forced himself inside of me unwillingly. I wanted to Die thought about it for some time and for a long time I thought this way. I would be angry for no reason and when I was of age I left my mothers home and ten years later after heavy therapy I told my mother her response " I was raped too it happens to everyone welcome to the club" Does it happen to everyone and what can we do to prevent it. I would like to say to mothers talk to your children. all of them not just girls boys as well ask them what's going on build a line of communication because I had none. Although he passed from health reason almost 6 yrs ago I still feel as If I won! I'm free!
- 89% of child sexual assault cases involve persons known to the child, such as a caretaker or family acquaintance.
-Diana Russell Survey, 1978
- For the vast majority of child victimizers in State prison, the victim was someone they knew before the crime. 1/3 had committed their crime against their own child, about 1/2 had a relationship with the victim as a friend, acquaintance, or relative other than offspring, about 1 in 7 reported the victim to have been a stranger to them.
-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.
- The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molests an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense.
-Dr. Gene Abel in a National Institute of Mental Health Study.
• Like rape, child molestation is one of the most under reported crimes: only 1-10% are ever disclosed.
SIGNS OF CHILD MOLESTAION/RAPE
1.) A child that cry's continously when you drop them off at a sitters, family members, day care, etc. or cries when you leave them at home with a person and they never use to cry in the past.
2.) When your child tells you that there's monster in the closet or coming out of a vent and they just can't sleep because they were told this from the one who is wrongfully touching them.
3.) your child suddenly at night is taking off there clothes and your finding them with no clothes on in the morning.
4.) When your child is suddenly wetting the bed for no apparent reason and they never done that in the past.
5.) If your child is being violated at home your child suddenly is by your side at all times and doesn't want to leave your side or suddenly they want to start sleeping in your bed with you.
6.) A sign that I noticed is when you ask your child if someone's doing things to them and they have the look of fear in there eye's and there very quiet because the one that's violating them is in the room with both of you when asked.
7.) A dramatic drop in school grades at school and suddenly your getting notices home with your child that there not listening and doing there work during class time.
8.) If your child is female your child will suddenly complain of her private area being sore when she uses the restroom or her private area is red routinely even though she was tested for an infection. If male they"ll also complain of there private area hurting as well.
9.) You'll also notice your child not listening to what there told to do, they have behavioral out breaks and develope an hate attitude towards everything.
10.) You also notice out of no where your child will start calling themselves stupid and they"ll start hitting themselves in the head.
11.) When you child is telling you or someone to touch there private area and giving the private areas nicknames.
12.) When your child is constantly changing there underwear because they feel dirty in that area
KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.......