CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL......

No amount of Money could remove the stench of a hospital it's like the smell came along with it. I hated that smell and every time I visited my mother was no different. I had to bath as soon as I got home or would seriously feel uncomfortable the entire day. My Mother had an entire section of the hospital to her self. I had to pay a pretty penny to make sure she was comfortable and kept safe a much a possible. I still talked to her as If nothing was wrong with her. I kind of felt as if somewhere deep inside she understood me like a mother only could. These visit almost always ended with me in tears and just wishing that God heard my prayers just this once. It pained me  to have to see her laying in her bed tubes running threw her body as she lay there emotionless. It's Like I could remember it as if it happen five minutes ago and the Memories came rushing in all at once. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes seeing his mother the woman they birth him suffer in such a manner.



My Mother was still my mother no matter what any doctor said about her mental capacity she was mines and I was her seed. My heart was so heavy thinking about the woman I was about to loose to some foolishness. I couldn't talk to my boys most of whom thought I was crazy for catching feelings for a woman I hadn't even slept with. I couldn't explain the feelings I had for this woman our friendship and bond was stronger then any amount of sex I could ever have. I wanted to live the rest of my life trying to keep a smile on her face. I know the trouble I had caused just to prevent an argument or a four hour conversation on why I was still friends with my ex. I caused the drama and had no Idea how to fix it Nothing worked flowers, gifts from zales, I even sent a singing telegram. I would not give yp on her and hopefully she wouldn't give up on me.

She sat in her Wheelchair facing the east wing of the hospital with a view of the Miami River. It's how she started every morning off.  Her long jet black curly hair was up  in a bun her make up perfectly applied. She had a staff  of four on hand at all times one of which was her personal stylist and make up artist. The Doctors said after several blows to head over the years had finally taken a toll on her body the last time. She had swelling on the brain and also fluid as well after 3 strokes and 2 heart attacks once while pregnant. She had never been the same Doctors said she now had the mental mind frame of a small child. I choose not to believe them and paid for extensive research in hopes that someone would get it right. She hasn't walked in almost 15 years or spoke a word in the last five. Most visits are completed with me doing all the talking and her just staring into outer space. She would squeeze my hands when I touched her which felt so good to know that she could still feel.

Walking behind her I placed my hand on her fragile shoulders and just enjoyed the view with her. I knew talking to her would make everything better. I began by telling her the situation with Chris and the car scene she made in attempts to arouse me. Then I told her about Candice and how much I loved her and what she meant to me. Her eyes seem to light up with flicker of hope and happiness I could tell she was happy that I found someone to love me like she no longer could. Most of our visits ended with me in tears as well as her. I wonder if she was just reacting to me or did she really understand my pain. My yearning strong desire for her to get better. I was desperate I had found the perfect Woman and she was now possibly out of my life forever.  Standing to exit I kissed her forehead slightly and stated "I just don't know what else to do"

This situation seemed to drain me and I couldn't help but feel defeated who was I fooling she would never trust me again. I was half way around the corner when I spotted 5 to 6 doctors running threw the hallway of the hospital. Whenever you saw doctor's run it was never a good sign at all. I could hear the nurse screaming my name in her strong island accent. Instantly My life flashed before my eyes and I could only wonder what the emergency was. I could see the urgency in her eyes as she jumped up and down and motioned for me to return to my mothers room. It became clear the doctors and nurses were rushing to my mother's room as well. I moved with a sense of urgency I couldn't loose her too I couldn't afford to loose her. She was all I had and no was just not an answer at this time. I know it was possible but not now not today not ever.

As I entered the room and made my way threw the crowds of nurse and doctors. My Mother had fallen from her chair and was obviously having trouble breathing. I watched as One Nurse held her head and the other began chest compression. I could see her chest rise and fall as the nurse breathes entered her lungs. A African American Man in his mid 40's with locs past his behind and Bob Marley chaing hanging  was by her side barking orders of medication. It's when you see someone hard at work to save a life their will and desire is amazing to say the least. While nurse scrambled to fill the orders I focused my eyes on my mother and for a brief second. She stopped moving and for the first time in five years she yelled "Fight For Her Son" she repeated it over and over a few times before the machines showed a flat line. I was ordered out of the room so the doctor's could work on her.

------------------------------------------------THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK YA'LLL-------------------------------------
WHERE MY LOYAL READER AT?

17 comments :

  1. Im a SAHM who usually escapes to the bathroom to read this every week faithfully.

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  2. I have definitely been a loyal reader since the first edition of this story. I am still loving it. :-)

    http://www.fabellis.com

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  3. Im one OMG that's right fight for your lady cant wait till the next episode......Great job keep them coming!

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  4. I'm have been reading this series from the beginning and I love it! Can't wait for the next one.

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  5. I love this, can't wait for next week!

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  6. girl you get me everytime so many times people give up on love instead of fighting for it! I just found your blog and I'm never leavinb!

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  7. Wahooo..... Doing my church dance over here. I love it. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

    May Clen Mom RIP.

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  8. not the church dance lol glad you like it!

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  9. Totally hooked, and the suspens is killing me!

    Sunnie
    (.=

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  10. biddie i am totally upset with you did you know that you won the studded bag but didn't reply to my email. i had to pick someone else! smh *slaps forehead*

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  11. I am def a loyal reader ! Love it ! Reading these makes it feel so real . Keep up the good job hunn !

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  12. THIS IS HELLLLLLLA GOOD!!! PLEASE KEEP EM COMIN!!!!

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  13. Omg your stories are so good, I cannot wait for the next one =) I love your blog btw.

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  14. i must admit i am hooked. pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee write more soon. i check like every day..such a loyal reader. Linda i love u and ur an inspiration

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  15. So ready for the next one. Hooked from day 1!

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